I was playing golf the other day with some buddies, and one of them (not me of course!) hit his golf ball hurtling off the golf course toward a house that lined the fairway. (People love to live on golf courses. They just don't like what happens when bad golfers play them.) So, as the ball soared through the blue sky like a white, heat-seeking missile, the four of us looked at each other and thought, Uh-oh.
The fact of the matter is bad golfers know where their golf balls land even when they go whizzing off the course and they can't see them anymore. How? Audio confirmation. So in the hopes of helping newbie golfers know where their golf balls land when they veer off the course, I've compiled a list of the sounds (and their consequences) to expect.
thrash—the ball hit some tree branches and got caught up in their leaves (You lucked out.)
thud—you hit a roof (Sure, you'll have butterflies in your stomach, but you should be okay.)
crash—uh, you just broke a window (This is not so okay. Pretend in your mind that you didn't hear it, hurry up, hit your next shot and get on to the next hole.)
plop—the ball landed in somebody's swimming pool (You're mega lucky—buy a lottery ticket on your way home.)
aaaahhh!—you hit someone (Consider contacting a defense attorney.)
aaaahhh! and plop—a particularly nasty combination. You hit someone in a swimming pool and drowning is a real possibility (Leave the golf course immediately and make plans to flee the country.)
yelp!—you just killed the family dog (When the enraged pet owner charges onto the course, point to your friends.)
So there you have it. Newbie bad golfers now can always know where their golf balls land. Remember, though, when you hit a shot that goes off the course, you will often lose a golf ball (and some golf balls are very expensive), but it can be worse for the homeowner—having broken windows, losing pets and experiencing fatalities.
And don't forget to say, "Fore!" Happy golfing!
