Ever since the fig leaf (and I imagine even they had problems back then too--like what if fire ants were on the fig leaf?) there have been problems with clothing being dangerous.
I was driving last night, and it was pitch black, and at a stop light this guy was crossing against the light. He was wearing dark slacks and a dark jacket. I swear I didn't see him until the last second. I easily could've hit him. So...
And what about women's shoes? Some of them are basically lethal weapons. You get your foot stepped on with some of those and you've got a hole in your foot and you bleed out.
So...
But then there's guy-specific clothing like cowboy hats. I'm from Chicago, but when a friend of mine went to college in Kirksville, Missouri, I visited. Well, it was a whole different world down there. Pickup trucks with rifles in the back window racks. People with guns everywhere. And tattoos and cowboy hats. Well, I wasn't buying a gun or getting a tattoo, but a cowboy hat?
I took the plunge. And I was in for a rude awakening. For starters I was amazed at how big it was. When I drove home and got out of my car, it caught on the roof and fell off. I (well, the cowboy hat did) bumped into so many doors, walls and windows. I really felt like I'd lost the ability to navigate around normally. It was embarrassing. And like you really need to accessorize the rest of your outfit around the cowboy hat. Like cowboy hat + Bermuda shorts = no bueno. If you're going to wear a cowboy hat you really should wear chaps (whatever those are) and drive a pickup truck. And like it's so easy to wear a baseball cap backwards, well, with a cowboy hat, that won't be happening.
So...
And there are special dangers about clothing that are Covid related. Like I saw a car pull up to a convenience store, and two girls jumped out with bandanas over their faces like they were Jesse James reincarnations. I'm telling you a lot of these mask wearers look like criminals. I mean, how are the cops supposed to tell the good guys from the bad guys?
So...
Okay, maybe that's a little extreme, but he definitely wouldn't be taken for a criminal.
And let's not forget about the danger of wearing loose clothing around machinery. Your car's running a little hot, so you pop the hood and act like you know what you're doing, but then before you know it, your scarf is sucked into the engine and you are ground to little pieces.
Heck, even long hair can be dangerous. My dad had this massager for his arthritis. Kind of like this thing this guy is using on his bicep.
Anyway, I told my girlfriend about it (I apologize if you're reading this) and made her lay face-down on the couch. Then I massaged her back with the thing. She was just loving it, moaning with pleasure. Gradually, I moved the massager up to the back of her neck. More delighted moans. Until...until her hair got caught in the massager's motor! She was like, "Aah!" She went from pure pleasure to intense pain in a heartbeat. (Kind of like when you wake up in the morning and you're lying there in bed all comfy and you get a charley horse.)
So...
