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Thursday, October 6, 2016

If Donald Trump talked to Gandhi


"Whoa, I love the robe! You've got some style, Mahatma. You should consider branding it."

"Thank you, The Donald."

"Yeah, me, I've got the best brand in the world, Mahatma. Everybody loves me."

"Even here in India?"

"Especially in India. I'm telling you, Indians can't get enough of me."

"But you seem very aggresive. My philosophy is based on non-violence."

"Trust me, Mahatma, non-violence is old school. In today's world you got do the deed when you need to."

"Do people love you for this?"

"People especially love me for it. People love me for everything I do. Mahatma, I could stand naked in the Ganges and sing "Yankee Doodle Dandy" and people would love me. I could kill a cow and they'd love me. I could kill all the cows!"

"You are worrisome to many people."

"Ah, only to the wimps."

"And the Muslims."

"Well."

"And Mexicans."

"They'll come around. There's a few good ones. I know them and they love me. Soon all the Mexicans will. Well, the ones I let stay here anyway."

"And women."

"Oh my God, Mahatma. Are you kidding me? Have you seen my wife? Women everywhere love me. Yeah, some are fat and, well, not too easy to look at, but they love me anyway. Everybody does."

"But you are making enemies."

"Everybody will come around in the end. They always do."

"Hillary Clinton too?"

"Oh, don't get me started on her."

"The Donald, I must go."

"Well, hey, it was good talking to you. I'm going to make sure to build some golf courses in India. And don't forget to encourage your Indian buddies to vote for me. They'll love me! I'm telling you! Everybody does!"

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